37-Teen

Funny how this film shows up as “not enough reviews to grade yet”, or is it to cover just how mind-numbingly bad this film is? Hopefully someday you’ll see this review, so I can warn others luckier than I was. The premise sounded interesting: Billionaire pays high school class to re-enact one month of high school. Well, maybe “interesting” is too much, but it sounded Netflix-plot-worthy. Good enough to watch when literally nothing else interesting is on. And then there was the execution of the plot. I get it, this film looks decent enough, has multiple locations and real special effects, so being still relatively low budget, I assume the casting director went to a local restaurant in LA filled with aspiring “actors and actresses”, and just emptied the place, because this is the largest assortment of C-list actors I’ve EVER seen in one film. Not a single recognizable face. Not even the lead. And you know what? That would be perfectly okay, if the cast had talent or at least a few talented members, because even great actors have to start somewhere. These...aren’t those actors. For some reason the lead has a very noticeable lisp, I’m assuming that’s how he “got into character as a nerd”, because the “nerds” in this film are delivered in such a heavy-handed way, you’d think The Big Bang Theory was a quiet character study of a slightly eccentric group of friends. The guy is an ultra billionaire Steve Jobs rip-off who is completely unbelievable as a genius or businessman or friend. He immediately abandons his one lifelong friend to hang with former HS jerks, and to hook up with someone obviously only into him for the prospects of his money. The premise plays out with little jokes and even less humor, and the inane dialogue is just...awful, to sit through. Whoever wrote this script must be from an alien planet or a toddler, because they obviously haven’t had human emotions for very long. Characters just immediately flip motivations for absolutely no / little reason, and the plot telegraphs what’ll happen next a mile away. There’s a running “poop your pants” gag that runs literally the entire length of the film. That’s the quality you’re getting here. My advice to all, cast, directors, writers: Go to / back to school. Please, for the love of all good things. Go back.